A New Life: LokixReader Chapter 27

Loki thought it would be best if the conversation was held in his room, lest your parents come back and catch wind of your talk. You agreed and followed him into the room beside yours. You saw a chair located by the window and pulled it up next to the bed. You sat in it while Loki slowly eased onto the bed across from you. There was a moment of silence as Loki thought his words through. You sat there, waiting patiently for him to begin. He sighed and rubbed his forehead with the heel of his palm. He let out a sigh as he looked at you, completely lost on where to begin.

I’ve never seen him this unsure before. This must really be hard for him.

You gave him a reassuring smile and patted his knee in comfort. “It’s okay,” you said gently, “take your time. I’ll try not to interrupt.”

“I believe the key word in that sentence is ‘try’,” Loki replied wryly. Your heart gave a little start as Loki took your hand from his knee and held it between his. He wasn’t looking at it as he made little circles with his thumb on your skin. He was gazing off to the side with a thoughtful expression. “I do not know where to begin.”

You liked the feeling of his cool fingers too much to voice out his actions. He didn’t seem aware he was fidgeting with your hand and you didn’t want him to stop.

“Start at the beginning,” you offered.

He turned his head to look at you, a sarcastic smirk breaking across his lips. “Tis a long beginning, [Name].”

Your shoulders rose and fell in shrug. “I don’t mind. I have all day.”

His expression dropped back to thoughtful as he tore his eyes from you to stare into nothing. “Alright, as you wish. When I was a child…”

Then Loki told you. He told you all about his past. How when he was younger, Odin would give him hope that maybe one day he would be king, which turned out not to be. It was given to his older ‘brother’, Thor. He told you that he let Frost Giants enter Asgard to ruin Thor’s day. You figured that must’ve been the Trickster in him being mischievous. He spoke of how Thor wanted vengeance and how easily he placed the idea of attacking the Frost Giants in Thor’s head. However, he was not expecting that his true birth origin would come to light during the battle at Jotunheim.

“He snatched me from my rightful home,” Loki spat with contempt. He was talking of Odin. “He fed me lies of who I was. He pretended to be my father. He could never truly love a son of Jotun blood. That is why I was passed over for the Throne. Thor had no idea, blunt fool. Mother…” Loki’s voice trailed off and you noticed his eyes were becoming wet. Your heart was breaking at the masked anguish he displayed. He tried to cover it with anger but you saw through it. You didn’t say anything, wanting him to finish. Loki took in a breath to compose himself and closed his eyes. “Mother, she knew. She would have told me if not ordered to keep silent from Odin. I do not blame her.” He opened his eyes again and glanced at you briefly, gauging your reaction so far. You still kept an open expression, although sadness touched your features at hearing his story.

“I’m sorry, Loki.” You didn’t know what else to say at the moment.

He squinted at you and tightened his grip on your hand. “Your apologies are not needed. You were not there.”

“No, I wasn’t. But I am still sorry.”

He let out a breathless chuckle and shook his head slowly. “You are quite strange.” He took one hand off of yours to wipe his eyes from possible tears. You just wanted to hug the sadness right out of him. You restrained yourself though. He still had more to tell you.

He seemed to struggle with his choice of his next words. He was telling you about how Thor got banished from Asgard and sent to New Mexico. He told you that he confronted Odin about his heritage and caused the man to fall into Odin-Sleep. He told you his plan to receive his father’s approval and show the man that Loki was indeed worthy of the Throne. Loki scoffed at how naive he was. As if he could ever win Odin’s favour.

“You tried to take out a whole race?” You questioned, trying to keep an even voice. You really wanted to exclaim enthusiastically but that might have closed Loki off.

“They are monsters. The universe would be better off without them.”

“They are your own people, Loki.”

Loki snapped his head to you with a look of outrage. “They are not my people!” He shouted at you. You leaned back a little and took your hand out of his, retreating from his rage. “I did not feast in their halls or suffer the state Odin left them in. I did not grow up with other Jotun children or take their lessons. I did not go hunting with Laufey or hear his tales of past battles. I was raised in Asgard, as an Asgardian. I grew up with stories of how monstrous the Frost Giants were. They were depicted as evil creatures that snatched children from their beds. No one notified me that I was one of them!”

You were taken back by his shouting. Loki rarely shouted. Well, there was that one time back at the hospital. But this was a whole new kind of shouting. He was getting the pain and agony off of his chest. Even though his rage was directed at you, you knew it was for the best.

“Loki,” you started after a moment. He dropped his head in his hands and you could see him take a shaky breath. You leaned forward and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”

He flinched slightly at your words but he did not look up or return to his original position. He stayed hunched over. His words were muffled by his hands. “I killed so many, [Name].”

“You were upset and confused.” Even though you did not approve of his mass slaughter, you could see what drove him to it. You saw his misguided goal. He only wanted Odin to love him like he did Thor. He went about it all wrong but you could see he meant to achieve. You could see how much he was affected by it and it really made your heart break. You would give anything to see him smiling again, like he did in that picture of you two and the flower-crown. You looked down at your flower-crown wearing God and tried not to cry yourself.

“Why do you try and excuse my actions?” Loki asked, straightening his back up to look at you cautiously. You removed your hand from his shoulder as he sat back up. “Do you really believe I was right to do so? To annihilate a whole world?” He narrowed his eyes at you, trying to make sense of your reaction. “Why do you not hate me? Why do you not call me a monster and throw me from your home?”

You sputtered as the conversation suddenly turned to you. “No, I don’t think it’s right to blow up a whole planet.”

“Then why, [Name]?” He gently grasped onto your upper arms and leaned in to analyze your expression, to see if you were lying or not. You could not hide the small blush forming on your cheeks from his proximity. “Why are you defending my actions?”

You bit your lip in thought. Because I love you, you dummy. But I can’t say that, can I? When did it come to a point where I can overlook genocide for the sake of love? No, I can’t overlook it. Genocide is wrong on all accounts. Loki knows that too. That’s what makes me forgive him. He knows what he did was wrong.

“Um, well…”You trailed off, looking to the side. Your eyes trailed to the window. “Hey, look a robin. I always loved how their chests are red. It’s so cool.”

“Do not try to distract me. Answer the question,” Loki ordered as he gently squeezed your arms so you would look back at him.

“Sorry,” you laughed with a bashful smile. “Why do I excuse your actions, you asked?” He nodded once, expression clearly stating he was not in the mood for your jests. “Well, it’s because you clearly see that what you did was not right.”

“When did I say that?” Loki asked with a raised brow.

“You didn’t say it; I could just see the remorse on your face.”

“I do not regret my methods. I only regret not killing them sooner,” he huffed and let you go to cross his arms.

“You don’t mean that,” you spoke gently.

“Insufferable mortal,” Loki insulted under his breath. “Even if I did feel guilt, which I do not, that alone does not justify your acceptance. There must be more to it.”

Damn, why is he so analytical?

“No, there isn’t,” you quickly responded. Too quickly in fact that it gave away your lie.

“Oh?” He smirked slightly at your defensive nature. “It sounds like you are hiding something from me, [Name]. Please, do tell.”

“Hey, I thought we were discussing you here. Not me.”

“My part is over, but yours is just beginning.”

You stood from the chair, face turning a little red from embarrassment. “Thank you very much for telling me about your past. I’m sorry your dad is such an ass. I’m sorry you grew up in that environment. I’m sorry your parents showed more love to Thor than you. Being an only child, I don’t know that feeling but I bet it’s awful. I’m just sorry, okay? What more do you want from me?”

Loki reached up and grabbed onto your wrist before you could turn away. You looked at his hand and then into his eyes. He looked almost pleading as he looked up at you. “Just answer my question….Please.” Your jaw dropped open at the word. Holy schnikeys, he said ‘please’. He quickly flattened his expression out and narrowed his eyes at you, no longer showing any sign of weakness. His words turned cold and devoid of any emotion. “I demand that you answer me, mortal. Now.”

You yanked your hand free from his grasp and he let you. You would have torn your hand off if he kept his grip. You took a step away and frowned at him. “You’re so bi-polar. I don’t even know why I-“ You stopped yourself and cleared your throat.

Loki’s eyes stayed narrowed as he regarded you. “What was that? You are going to have to learn to complete your sentences. Even a God such as myself cannot understand your train of thought.”

“Why are you being so cold right now?”

“Why are you being so difficult and foolish?” He countered, standing now to tower over you. “All this trouble over a single question. Just tell me, is that so hard to get through that thick human skull of yours? Why do you forgive me?”

“Because I love you, you stupid God!”

….Did I just say that out loud?

By the look on Loki’s face you were pretty sure you did. He was staring at you with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape in shock. You saw a swarm of emotions in his green eyes at your confession. Confusion, surprise, you thought you even saw a glimmer of joy. His whole body was tense as his face displayed pure bewilderment.

“Did…Did you just say..?” Loki tried to get out as he gaped at your reddened face.

You were completely mortified by your outburst. Your face was burning up. Oh crap, crap, crap. You took a step back, that step turned into a few, and before you knew it you were running out of the door and out of the house, trying to escape possible heartbreak. You heard Loki start to give chase a moment after you, finally broken out of his shock. But you knew the woods better than he did. By the time he was out of the front door you already crossed into the forest line.

I’m such a coward. Running away. I’m sorry, Loki. I just can’t take your rejection. It would break me. Oh God, why am I so stupid? Why would I say that? Obviously he doesn’t feel the same. Why would he? I just made things terribly awkward.

You wiped a tear away as you disappeared into the thick forested area. The last thing you heard was Loki calling your name somewhere behind you.